In the past I have made room for the discomfort of strangers who do not want to date someone with an STI.You need to do what’s right for you and your health, I reassured and soothed my readers, not wanting to ruffle feathers, not wanting to seem extreme.It’s far more fun to be the loud, controversial and brilliant Kanye West of herpes.I have little to no interest in being with someone who doesn’t think I’m worth getting herpes from. If you are not willing to brave the risk of getting herpes, you are not worth my time.My first outbreak was quite painful because it coincided with an infected spider bite, but now I show symptoms so rarely that I pose no credible risk to my partners 99% of the time.In retrospect, if my ex-boyfriend had known he had herpes and told me before we started dating, I wouldn’t have done anything differently, and I would still have herpes today.
The harassment and mocking of “Men’s Rights Activists” and strangers on Twitter has gotten to me. How silly, this girl thinks we’re bigots for not wanting to contaminate our junk for some desperate, shitty lay. To let someone’s STI status be a game changer is a form of discrimination.
Here’s another pet peeve of my email inbox: when a man (because it’s almost always a man) asks me if he should continue seeing this woman he’s been dating who just told him she has herpes.
Sometimes the question is data-based, about what transmission statistics are real. When you ask me questions about if you should date someone with herpes, I know you’re looking for an expert opinion.
They considered me as a full person, not the “side-effects” of having feelings for me.
When it came down to the brass tacks of who I am, there was no decision to be made at all.